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CHER’S ALARM SERVICERS FUCKED UP

May 7, 2009

cher

Ambulances and fire trucks rushed to Cher’s Malibu home this morning after a medical emergency button was pushed on the house’s alarm system at 11:16 a.m.

Less than an hour later, TMZ.com updated their website saying that Cher was ok. Because there really was no medical emergency.

Turns out Cher was getting her alarm system serviced, and the company working on it activated the panic button, thinking the system was on test. 

It wasn’t.

Cher’s alarm servicers: 

YOU FUCKED UP!

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PITTSBURGH PENGUINS FUCKED UP

May 6, 2009

Today, hundreds of Pittsburgh Penguins fans received the text of a lifetime.

The Penguins texted 460 fans to tell them that they had won four tickets to an upcoming playoff game.

Commence jumping for joy at the sheer possibility of seeing superstars Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin in action in what is undeniably the most exciting match-up of the quarterfinals– and probably of the entire playoffs.

The catch? Turns out the text message was a mistake. It was sent in error to the 460 fans who entered a recent contest before a game, said Penguins spokesman Tom McMillan.

Each fan was already sent an automated phone message explaining the mistake, and apparently team employees are personally calling the “affected” fans. Um…wouldn’t that be all of them?

The fans who got the message will all receive a $25 gift card, a Penguins hat and t-shirt, and two

tickets to a regular-season game next season. Seems like this offer falls a little short of the initial one.

Pittsburgh Penguins:

YOU FUCKED UP!

GUARDIAN, LONDON INDEPENDENT AND OTHER JOURNALISTIC OUTLETS FUCKED UP

May 6, 2009

Someone clearly skipped their first year journalism school course Info/Vis course. Lesson one: Wikipedia is not a credible primary resource. Especially not for quotes.

By someone we actually mean a handful of journalists from The Guardian,the London Independent, the BBC Music Magazine website and from some Indian and Australian newspapers.

Maurice Jarre: "When I die there will be a final waltz playing in my head, that only I can hear,” (did not actually say this).

Back in March, Shane Fitzgerald, a student in Dublin, edited the Wiki page of recently deceased French composer Maurice Jarre, adding a cheesy fake quote about how music is life. He did it in the hopes that obituary writers would take the bait.

And did they ever.

“I didn’t expect it to go that far. I expected it to be in blogs and sites, but on mainstream quality papers? I was very surprised about,” he said.

However, the hoax remained undiscovered for weeks until Fitzgerald e-mailed offending newspapers to tell them that they had published an inaccurate quote.

“I don’t think it would have been found out unless I had told them so,” Fitzgerald said yesterday. In recent days the Guardian printed a correction and an article about the hoax.

Some of the publications corrected the error, some places didn’t. Wikipedia took the quote down pretty quickly since it didn’t have a citation.

As a side note, technically the quote can have a citation now from one of the fuck-ups. And that, dear readers, is how you alter truth. Nineteen Eighty-Four, anyone?

Assorted journalists:

YOU FUCKED UP!

BOW WOW FUCKED UP…AGAIN

May 4, 2009

Bow Wow is a pretty big douche for someone who peaked at “Like Mike.”

Bow Wow was slated to perform at Chez Vous– a roller-rink in Dorchester, Mass. that is a widely known refuge for city youths– as part of their annual Peace Night, held in April. The Peace Night concert was held to encourage peace and curb violence among Dorchester youth.

But, he cancelled last minute, saying “safety concerns” were the reason.

If that isn’t bad enough, Chez Vous will now be sold, after the rink’s owner and general manager, Greer Toney failed to make a mortgage payment. Having faced foreclosure in the past, the rink operated under an the agreement that if a mortgage payment was missed, it would be auctioned off.

The reason the mortgage couldn’t be paid? Toney had to refund 500 tickets at $35 each. And since some expenses had to be paid in advance, she had to use money from her own pocket to reimburse the ticket-holders.

Bow Wow:



YOU FUCKED UP…AGAIN!

LIL BOW WOW FUCKED UP

April 30, 2009

(Lil?!?!?!) Bow Wow is bad at twittering.

Last weekend, Bow was Twitter stalking a female (most likely D-list) celebrity, and tweeted her saying he was in town shooting “Entourage.” 

He asked her for her phone number, but apparently she denied him and told him to give her his instead.

So, Bow Wow, being the extremely advanced creature he is, tweeted her back with his info. Except he forgot to direct message, and ended up publishing his Blackberry e-mail and phone number as a tweet for his 15,000 followers to see.

And when the girl told him he fucked up, he couldn’t even fix the problem, because he wasn’t by a computer. Cue thousands of phone calls from adoring fans/girls that now have herpes? Just kidding. Kind of.  Things got so bad for Bow that he had to change his phone number within a few hours. 

BOW WOW:

YOU FUCKED UP. 

NEW YORK RANGERS FUCKED UP

April 29, 2009

Rangers Capitals HockeyTonight, the New York Rangers lost 2-1 to the Washington Capitals in the 7th game of the Eastern conference quarter final playoff series. Respectable, right?

Sure. Except for the fact that New York was leading the series 3-1.

The Caps’ winning goal was scored by Sergei Federov on a return rush after the Rangers’ Ryan Callahan shot high and wide on a good scoring chance. So, Callahan fucked up by not scoring when he probably could have, but he’s not the only one to blame for the Rangers’ tragic demise.

Game 5 and 6 of the series were absolute trainwrecks for New York, with some highlight fuck-ups including:

  • Head coach John Tortorella being suspended for Game 6 after fighting with a fan and throwing a water bottle at said fan. (Ok, but really, that guy deserved to have something thrown at him.)
  • Goalie Henrik Lundqvist no longer being god-like– He gave up 9 goals in 34 shots in games 5 and 6 after stopping 141 of 149 in the first four games.
  • Offense ….not being offensive. In the third period of game 7, they had one shot.
  • Sean Avery still existing?!

The Rangers’ series of fuck-ups made the Caps the 21st team in NHL history to win a series after being down 3-1.

So now, the Capitals go on to face Sidney Crosby and his pathethic attempt at a playoff beard and the Rangers go down as being the only team in franchise history to lose a series after leading 3-1.

New York Rangers:

YOU FUCKED UP!

PANDA EXPRESS FUCKED UP

April 28, 2009

Panda Express wants you to know they have some delicious orange chicken. However…

I’ll just leave this here.

fjy

Panda Express:

YOU FUCKED UP!